just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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