My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
