Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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