oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My penis needs a shock collar
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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