I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
