she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
