Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize