The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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