i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Dicks are not precious.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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