I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
