my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
FUCK WHALES
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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