a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Randomize
