Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
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I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
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Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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