Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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