Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
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fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
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if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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