Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
