You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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