Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
