i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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