Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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