when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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