rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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