Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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