Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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