I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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