The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
