John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
