Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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