whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
