dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
