We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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