In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
