I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
being pregnant is like rehab
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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