No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
