woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
