Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
