I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
