Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
