THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
