Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
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I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Is Oprah even human
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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