I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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