Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
