i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
