I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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