i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
