your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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