The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
