i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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