WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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