he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
