fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
