What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
