Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
