My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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