Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
