I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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