He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
