Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Hippo gnu deer
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
