ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
