Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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