I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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