then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
