She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Rumble strips road head = magical
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
