She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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