just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
