So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Small penises have feelings too.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
